A Difficult Confession... A Communion
Filled with Consolation
“I could not have been more relieved: I
wept with happiness. I venture to say that it was on that day that I became an
honest man.” Thus, François-René de Chateaubriand of the Académie Française,
describes the effects of a well-made childhood Confession.
In his famous work, Memoires d’outre-tombe
(Memoirs From Be- yond the Grave), Chateaubriand — renowned diplomat and great
French writer — reveals how he overcame a trial, undergone by many souls and
yet to be experienced by many others. He narrates the story in the literary
style typical of the early 1800s.
The
time for making my first communion approached. My piety appeared sincere; I
edified the whole school. My fasts were frequent enough to cause my masters
concern. I had for a confessor the
superior of the seminary, a man of fifty and of stern demeanour. Each time I
approached the confessional he anxiously questioned me. Surprised at the
triviality of my sins, he did not know how to reconcile my distress with the
lack of importance of the secrets I confided to him. As Easter approached the
priest’s questions became more incisive.
“Are you withholding anything from me?”
“No, Father.”
“Have you committed such and such a sin?”
“No, Father.”
It was always: “No, Father.” He dismissed
me doubtfully, sighed and gazed into the depths of my soul. I left his presence
pale and guilt-ridden as a criminal.
I was to receive absolution on the
Wednesday of Holy Week. I spent the night between Tuesday and Wednesday in
prayer, reading with terror the book of Painful Confessions. On the Wednesday,
at three in the afternoon, we set out for the seminary accompanied by our
parents.
Upon arrival, I prostrated before the
altar and lay there as if vanquished. When I arose to enter the sacristy where
the superior awaited, my knees trembled beneath me.
I cast myself at the priest’s feet, and it
was only in the most strained of tones that I managed to pronounce my
Confiteor.
“Well, have you forgotten anything?” the
man of God asked me.
I remained silent. His questions continued; always the fatal,
“no, Father,” issued from my lips. He meditated; he sought counsel of Him who
conferred upon the Apostles the power of binding and loosing souls. Then, with
an effort he prepared to give me absolution. It would have caused me less dread had a
thunderbolt issued from heaven. I cried out:
“I have not confessed all!”
The redoubtable judge, the delegate of the
Supreme Arbiter, whose face had so evoked fear, now became the most tender of
shepherds; he embraced me, and I melted in tears:
“Come now,” he said to me. “My dear boy,
courage!”
I will never have a similar moment in my
life. I could not have felt more relieved had the weight of a mountain been
lifted from me I wept with happiness. I venture to say that it was on that day
that I became an honest man. The first step having been taken, the rest
cost little.
“After all,” he added, “you have little
time for penitence; but you have been cleansed of your sins by a courageous,
though tardy, avowal.”
Raising his hand, he pronounced the
formula of absolution. On this second occasion, that fearful hand showered
nothing but heavenly dew upon my head; I bowed to receive it, feeling a
participation in the joy of the angels.
I ran to the foot of the altar where my
mother awaited me and cast my- self into her arms. I no longer seemed to be the same person
to my masters and schoolfellows; I walked with a light step, head held high
with an air of radiance in the triumph of repentance.
On the following day, Holy Thursday — the
commemoration of the In- stitution of the Eucharist — Chateaubriand received
his First Communion.
What he felt in
his childish heart remains between him and God alone. Nevertheless, we can
affirm that the presence of the Eucharistic Jesus in his soul made him tremble
with love and happiness. For he later affirmed that like the martyrs of old, he
would gladly have laid down his life and shed his blood on that occasion to
praise and honour Him. ²
From archives of the Heralds of the Gospel magazine Vol. 1, No. 3 Jan-Feb 2007
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